It has been a little while since I have written anything on here or even felt like sharing my thoughts.
Something I have learned in the recent months with a loss of a parent- that life is hard. Not that I didn’t know that before but now I am facing it knowing that the one person on this planet that truly thought I could do no wrong (even when I have messed up big) and always loved me no matter what- is no longer here… My father.
Let’s take marriage. It can be difficult. Seriously, why didn’t someone pull us aside and tell us that! No, I wouldn’t have listened but someone could have warned me. Merging two lives together and trying to live happily ever after but undoubtedly, you will have an argument and you will think your spouse is an impossible mental patient. You will eventually make up and be lovey once more and realize the fight was probably worth the growth that your relationship endured at the time. Therefore, you move on and you are the better for it.
Yes, life is hard… Childbirth for instance. This is the most painful thing I think I have ever physically endured but it came with the happy ending of a beautiful baby. I should also let you know my first child was with NO- yes I said NO pain relief. All Natur-AL. I didn’t choose this, it was forced on me because of the circumstances. The pain didn’t last and it was over with quick. Add on getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers and feed that crying bundle of joy. This may not have been a picnic but it was rewarding and I would have never changed it.
These are two big milestones in a person’s life. I never thought my father would have a massive heart attack at the age of 58 and never wake up. What am I supposed to take from this? Where is the personal growth from this? I really got nothing here. No lesson that sticks out, other than the lesson that Death hurts the living. The pain strikes me at different times of the day in bizarre ways. I can be performing the most dreary household chore to driving down the street when I get mad at him for leaving so quickly or cry because I miss him so badly. I am sure these reactions will lessen over time I just wish I could skip all the pain.
Looking into the year of 2014 I hope that it brings relief and a peace for my family. We will go on without my father and live our lives hoping to make him proud of how we handled ourselves in his absence. Throughout all the pain, I know that God is handling it all, working in the background and sometimes in full view, taking care of our family and healing our pain.