Tag Archives: Death

Grief is the sneaky black sheep of the emotion family

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It has been a little over a year since my father passed away. I miss him every day, the hard grief that you feel for months where you want to roll up in a ball and hide from the world and cry, passed during the first few months. At least I always think it has passed. It pops back up every now and then, however, I can move past the tears and sadness. Today I had a moment that turned into ten minutes, then twenty, then a half an hour of tears. It was brought on a beautiful song that was playing on the radio and me driving in a torrential down pour at the same time. Probably not the safest place to lose control over your emotions! The song that I had choose to be played at my dad’s funeral, “If I could only Imagine” by the group Mercy Me and also one of my favorite songs. I thought about the song and the meaning behind it and how someday all this pain will not matter. All this grief that sneaks up on me, all the pain others cause, all the hate in the world will be gone and One day I will be standing before Jesus- and then and only then will all pain and tears be gone. I am sure the black sheep of emotions, i.e. Grief will wiggle its way back because I do miss a part of my life that is no longer there. I will however survive and move on and I will rest in the assurance that my Hope is in Christ and for that I will be grateful. I posted the lyrics to the song and the video so I hope you enjoy it and I hope you don’t start a blubbering— well yes, I really do secretly hope you get emotional!

This is a picture of my father and my boys when my kiddos were younger and didn’t mind the camera!
dad and boys

“I Can Only Imagine” By: Mercy Me

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

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I’m Not Growing Old

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They say that I am growing old.
I’ve heard them tell it times untold,
In language plain and bold–
But I’m NOT growing old.
This frail old shell in which I dwell
Is growing old, I know full well–
But I am not the shell.
What if my hair is turning grey?
Grey hairs are honorable, they say.
What if my eyesight’s growing dim?
I still can see to follow Him
Who sacrificed His life for me
Upon the Cross of Calvary.
What should I care if Time’s old plow
Has left its furrows on my brow?
Another house not made by hand,
Awaits me in the Glory Land.
What though I falter in my walk?
I still can tread the Narrow Way,
I still can watch and praise and pray.
My hearing may not be so keen
As in the past it may have been,
Still, I can hear my Saviour say
In whispers soft, “This is the way.”
The outward man–do what I can
To lengthen out his life’s short span–
Shall perish, and return to dust,
As everything in nature must.
The inward man, the Scriptures say,
Is growing stronger every day.
Then how can I be growing old
When safe within my Saviour’s fold?
Ere long my soul shall fly away,
And leave this tenement of clay.
“This robe of flesh I’ll drop, and rise
To seize the everlasting prize”–
I’ll meet you on the Streets of Gold,
And PROVE that I’m not growing old.
BY –Clyde Brigner

A Bride’s Special Dance

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I am not sure if I am a baby or the fact that I lost my daddy in August but this made me cry, smile, cry and cry with a smile. What a wonderful brother he was for doing this for his sister. What a wonderful gift. I did get to share a wedding dance with my dad over 19 years ago and for that I am greatful.

If you cry like I did leave me a comment below. I can’t be the only one who blubbered….

Life’s Lessons

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It has been a little while since I have written anything on here or even felt like sharing my thoughts.

Something I have learned in the recent months with a loss of a parent- that life is hard.  Not that I didn’t know that before but now I am facing it knowing that the one person on this planet that truly thought I could do no wrong (even when I have messed up big) and always loved me no matter what- is no longer here… My father.

Let’s take marriage.  It can be difficult.  Seriously, why didn’t someone pull us aside and tell us that!  No, I wouldn’t have listened but someone could have warned me.  Merging two lives together and trying to live happily ever after but undoubtedly, you will have an argument and you will think your spouse is an impossible mental patient.  You will eventually make up and be lovey once more and realize the fight was probably worth the growth that your relationship endured at the time.  Therefore, you move on and you are the better for it.

Yes, life is hard…  Childbirth for instance.  This is the most painful thing I think I have ever physically endured but it came with the happy ending of a beautiful baby.  I should also let you know my first child was with NO- yes I said NO pain relief.  All Natur-AL.  I didn’t choose this, it was forced on me because of the circumstances.  The pain didn’t last and it was over with quick.  Add on getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers and feed that crying bundle of joy.  This may not have been a picnic but it was rewarding and I would have never changed it.

These are two big milestones in a person’s life.  I never thought my father would have a massive heart attack at the age of 58 and never wake up.  What am I supposed to take from this? Where is the personal growth from this?  I really got nothing here.  No lesson that sticks out, other than the lesson that Death hurts the living.  The pain strikes me at different times of the day in bizarre ways.  I can be performing the most dreary household chore to driving down the street when I get mad at him for leaving so quickly or cry because I miss him so badly.  I am sure these reactions will lesson over time I just wish I could skip all the pain.

Looking into the year of 2014 I hope that it brings relief and a peace for my family.  We will go on without my father and live our lives hoping to make him proud of how we handled ourselves in his absence.  Throughout all the pain, I know that God is handling it all, working in the background and sometimes in full view, taking care of our family and healing our pain.

A post I wrote awhile back you may enjoy-