Category Archives: Humor

Describing Happiness is Like Nailing Jello to a Tree…

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Mark Twain

Happiness. It is what humans strive for on some level or another~ happy, happy, happy. Everyone has their own definition of what happiness means to them but when it is cracked open and pulled apart happiness is like nailing Jello to a tree. The definition of happiness shifts and reshapes over time depending on where you are in your life. When my children were small happiness to me was watching them sleep with their perfect little angelic slumbering faces. That can not be bottled, folks. When I was young around the age of eleven or twelve writing in a journal my youthful musings/poetry of life while sitting on my grandma’s porch swing was happiness. Happiness stretches, happiness shifts, and happiness is memories. This memory of my Grandma’s swing is a fond one because she is no longer with us.

What I realized today as I contemplated the word of Happiness for myself seems to be is writing, simply put, words on a screen or pen to paper. Unhappiness for me is not writing the stories of the people that live in my daydreams. For those of you that do not feel the need to write, you will think I have lost my mind. Even in my math classes as a young girl I still remember the personalities I would assign to numbers. Yes, I said numbers, example 7 and 8 dated, as in they went to the movies, on a date, in my crazy daydreams. These two numbers would be happy when they wound up next to one another in the answer when I had to do a trying multiplication problem. I could go on but why make you think I am more crazy than you already do 🙂 My brain works in story patterns, it is who I am, and happiness comes to me when I get to put these ideas on paper and share them with others.

Happiness also comes to me when I have my husband and boys at home, house tidy, and no alarm that has to be set for the next day. My nieces and nephews bring me joy and getting to sit across from my Grandma N., uninterrupted and listening to her memories brings such contentment.

What brings me happiness isn’t stuff, I don’t ever see that changing. I am not saying that a cute pair of shoes don’t feel good, but for me, shoes are not happiness. Shoes might bring someone else happiness and that is fine if that is how they are hardwired.

On a side note, there is a ton of melancholy out there amongst writers of the 17th and 18th century about happiness. I thought I would quote some famous poet or writer about happiness and most of the quotes I found had something to do with only finding happiness in other people’s failures. If this is you~ seek help..no seriously, you are messed up. All I can imagine about the writers in these eras is that they had no electric, no refrigerated food, plagues, very few had indoor plumbing, and hair products had to me mediocre at best~~~Imma guess’n. I say that I don’t need material things to be happy but if you took these things away from me I might be cranky, too and I would not be frizz free. No, there is no *might be cranky* about it. I would be. No doubt. This could have resulted in their melancholy on happiness.

What makes you happy? What defines your happiness? Have you really thought about this question? You probably have a list of things that don’t make you happy but do you have a list of what makes you happy? Take a few minutes and think about what your happiness is… More times than not, whatever you liked to do as a kid perhaps fishing, riding bikes, building with Legos or Lincoln Logs, playing house, drawing, baseball, or writing like I did, it is probably safe to say you like doing something of the same nature as an adult. Perhaps if you think about this you will find you actually apply this childhood skill to your adult job. My husband liked to ride bicycles ALL OVER TOWN as a kid and now he rides motorcycles when he can fit it in his schedule, even though he doesn’t do this at his job, he still enjoys doing this in his spare time.

So I ask you, what was your *happiness* as a child? Could you do something similar as an adult or perhaps you already do…

Frozen? 71 days till spring!

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bliss8 (2)

The picture above is one of my favorite vacation pictures. It was taken in Sept of 2006. While the middle of the country was heading into fall temps, my husband and I were in Mexico being pampered, waited on, and just being carefree. Today on my way to work, my car temperature read three degrees. YES, I SAID 3! To remind myself that there are warmer temps out there somewhere, I thought I would post this serene view. Yes, we floated around that lazy river many times!

71 days till spring.
71 days till spring.
71 days till spring.
71 days till spring.
71 days till spring.
71 days till spring.

Yes… I feel better now… if anyone corrects my math, I will shun you… unless of course you subtract days from the 71. In that case– High Five!

LOL 2015 REVOLUTION

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MC900441766-1As 2014 came to a close, and New Year Resolutions were in the forefront of my thoughts, I decided to take a look at what things made me unhappy in 2014 and modify as many of those things as I could. Of course, that would require me to quit my job, hire a maid, hire a chef, and buy a beach house in Key West. A bit unrealistic. Then I decided to take a stab at something else we all do every single day, several times a day, and probably have for years. I would even go as far to bet that you probably have had the same unhappiness as I have with this thing we all do- that is if you own a cell phone or send emails!

 
The use of LOL, HAHA, BAHAHA, even SMH, or IMO/IMHO and whatever else you may use to show amusement or to express an emotion in a text message. I have felt my LOLs have been empty lately. Like I was faking my Laugh Out Loud- LOL acronym. Once I identified my dissatisfaction in my level of Emotion, I formed a plan to change things in 2015. Prepare to be Emotional or Not so Emotional—it’s up to you!

I even contemplated leaving them out of my text messages. The only problems with that concept, I am NOT a robot and I still want to show emotion!  I am willing to go out on a limb and assume you aren’t a robot either…maybe…eh,hem, anyway, moving on…

I propose that at the end of our LOLs, Haha, Hehehe, SMH, or IMO we use a rate system. Let us all unite and start assigning A LEVEL OF AMUSEMENT or LEVEL OF EMOTION #number after our chosen acronym, perhaps a 0-10 rating system.  The amusement park Six Flags utilizes a rate system– 6 Flags of fun.  Even when you call and take a survey on the back of a Taco Bell receipt you are asked to rate your level of satisfaction.

—I am imploring you as the Texting Public—you teenagers, parents, friends, coworkers, spouses, even you grandparents– We The Texting People Can Bring the LOLs of the past in to 2015 with A BANG! A SWIPE!  DARE I SAY A VOICE COMMAND! Let’s rate our emotions!!YAY10

Take the Acronym that you are going to use.  I am sure there are ones out there that I have not mentioned and some I choose not to use in this article.  It will work with all of them.
Rate Example LOL 0-10 0 being a low grade of emotion and 10 being a high grade.

Example:
Dude’s text: I’m running late. I can’t find my shoes!
Bubba’s text: Plz wear shoes! Ur feet stink Dude!lol1

OR

Mom’s text: I forgot to give you lunch money! Sorry!
Son’s text: Don’t worry, I will find food in the dumpster behind the cafeteria.haha0
Mom’s Text: SMH8  (Shaking My Head*Level 8*)

To make sure the word gets out about the EMOTION RATE Please copy and paste the address bar into your Facebook status! #OLDSCHOOL Oops! I forgot to address stupid hashtags!

#LOLRATE

How many shares can the LOL 2015 REVOLUTION get???? #LOL2015REVOLUTION

DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW MY BLOG!!! Just Click the Follow button if you can find it HAHA7

#LOL2015REVOLUTION

Definitions Of All Acronyms Used In This Article
LOL:Laugh Out Loud
HAHA: HAHA
SHM: Shaking My Head
IMO: In My Opinion
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
Bahahaha: I Just Snorted Laughed Out Loud
HEHEHE: Snickering

My Ludicrous Life Decision Policing System

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I’m thinking about starting a business.  A business that will help millions of families…  Yes, a policing system for stupid, ludicrous life decisions made by family members and friends that turn your life upside down.  Having made some nonsensical judgments in my past, I think I am a perfect candidate for evaluating stupid choices made by misguided people.  Some examples that my Ludicrous Life Decision Policing System could help with:

-An Uncle that is a father of five, thinking about quitting his job and moving his family to Alaska, and pursuing a love of igloo architecture.  I would intervene and find a resolution, like smacking some sense into him.  No peaceful resolution here- just tough love.

-A teenage daughter that wants to quit school, get a tattoo of a clown on her neck, and move in with her rodeo clown boyfriend.  I would intervene by taking her to a local trailer park and making her live with a family of ten in a four room trailer for a week (if it even takes that long).

-Your newly widowed father who wants to marry someone thirty years his junior, buy a yacht, and spend his remaining years looking for a mermaid colony in Australia.  Well, seriously aren’t you just a little curious about mermaids? 

I think this would be a booming business!  I could tell people to stop being stupid and screwing with your sanity. I see a bright and busy future here; there is one of these people in every family…

The post above was *tactfully*  actually posted January 10, 2014 and I decided to revive it this January.  No family members were hurt in the development of this business idea.

My Zombie Survival Saturday

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If there were ever a Zombie Apocalypse I would do great at retrieving things inside Walmart, like a reconnaissance mission. The thought actually came to me today when I had to run in and only had five minutes to retrieve four items and each were on opposite sides of the supercenter (which admit it, we all hate doing). I completed the mission and checked out in record time.
This is when it hit me: I truly believe I know where everything inside the store is located. If I had to (in dire Zombie circumstances of course) retrieve a first aid kit, fishing tackle, ammunition, Zombie-be-gone-spray (patent pending), a can of beans, gas-x (no need in giving my location away because of ‘digestive issues’), and gluten free pretzels I could do it in record time. I’m like a Walmart savant- much to my husband’s chagrin! It is like my mom-super-power.

You also need to know I am not a fan of the Walking Dead, however, I blame them for my survival thoughts! I hate shows that scare me!

These are my Not-So-Sane Saturday thoughts!